My VBAC: Ava's birth story

One year later and I’m finally getting around to posting our sweet Ava girls birth story! This was a tender experience, very dear to my heart. I have chosen to keep the most sacred details private for our family, but you will still get the whole juicy story here.

No one can prepare you for birth or describe it adequately for you unless you’ve been through it. Child birth is such a sacred experience and I’m so grateful I’ve been able to experience it twice, with two completely different birth stories. Basically they were completely opposite births! If you want to hear more about my first birth with Ivan you can read his birth story here. )

Lets start at the beginning.

Getting Pregnant

If you’ve been here for a while, you know I struggled with Hypothalamic Amenorrhea before getting pregnant with my first. So going into pregnancy number 2, I knew my hormones were more sensitive than most. I had to wait until I was completely weaned from breast feeding Ivan for my period to come back (17 months postpartum). I had cycles, but no ovulation at first. I was really grateful my period did come back, but my cycles were long and irregular. Then after 6 months of casually trying without success, I really started to track my cycle, taper down the intensity of my workouts, and made sure I was getting enough high quality calories. I started to notice my cycle getting shorter and more regular. I’m so grateful I’ve gained this trusting relationship with my body. I got pregnant after 2 cycles of really tracking. We were so so grateful! More info on HA read here

Prenatal Care & Birth Prep

I recently wrote a blog post on 7 tips for pregnancy & birth prep (what I wish I knew) that I think you’ll really enjoy. After my emergency C-section with my son, I knew I wanted a VBAC (Vaginal Birth after Cesarean). So the first thing I did was look for a good Dr. who was pro VBAC. I was recommended to Dr. CAP in Encinitas, and highly recommend his practice if you are in the area!

I also knew I wanted a Doula if I was going to have a successful vaginal birth. I started talking to my friend Nicole (labor & deliver nurse, and mom to 5) whenever I could, picking her brain about my pregnancy and my history with birth. She was so easy to talk to and I could just sense her passion for all things birth and it got me so excited. When I was looking for a doula, I thought why not hire someone I know and trust, and bonus points for someone who believes in God and shares my values in this spiritual experience of childbirth. So I asked her if she would want to be my doula and she was so sweet. She said yes! She came over multiple times before the birth. We talked about labor positions, breathing, relaxing techniques, affirmations, and she answered all my questions and concerns. She was so amazing.

I also knew I wanted my hips and body in the best alignment for a smooth VBAC. I started seeing Lauren at Thrive physical therapy for pelvic floor PT. She’s awesome. We started working with each other right when I got pregnant. She helped me re-align hips and ease sciatic pain. Closer to birth she helped me with relaxing my pelvic floor and learning how to properly breathe the baby down and out. She checked different positions to see if I was bearing down properly and efficiently. It was really so great to work with her! I highly recommend pelvic floor PT to every single Mom.

Another part of my team was my Prenatal Chiropractor, Kim at the Cap Wellness center. (her and her husband also own their own practice in Solana Beach). She was so amazing! She adjusted my sacrum, my low back, pubic bone, upper ribs, ankles, and closer to birth she did a round ligament release. It was amazing! I always felt so good after our appointments.

I treated myself to 3 prenatal massages throughout pregnancy which were amazing. Pregnancy is a time to slow down, and really focus on your health.

Mental & Physical Preparation:

I knew my best chance at a VBAC was to go with as little intervention as possible, so I started early on prepping for an unmedicated labor.

-I meditated daily

-practiced my relaxing breath, and J breathing

-wrote down birth affirmations and recited them daily

-listened to positive VBAC birth stories as frequently as I could

-watched Bridget Taylors YouTube channel almost daily (and she was also with my through labor). She has a birth course on her website here

-Signed up for MamaNaturals webinars & emails

-Purchased Mamastefit Prenatal fitness program to make sure I was doing the right things Physically, and really slowed down my exercising in the 3rd trimester and focused on loosening up and relaxing more so than strength.

-Practiced visualizations of how I wanted my birth to go daily

-Fell asleep often to hypnobirthing sleep mediations

-Birth ball exercise (hip openers, bouncing, sitting) (My 3rd trimester birth prep workout here)

-Daily inversions to get baby in proper positioning (Spinning Babies is a great resource for that)

-6 dates a day starting at 36 weeks to help soften the cervix

-Bone broth & collagen a few times a week

-Bubble baths with essential oils and meditations playing

Pregnancy:

I knew I was pregnant pretty early on because my boobs were so tender and my cervical mucus changed.

I started feeling nauseous around 8 weeks, and it stuck around until about 16 weeks. I didn’t have a strong food aversion like I did with Ivan, but just that constant nausea throughout the day. With Ivan it was so hard for me to eat meat and raw vegetables the first trimester, but this time around that seemed to be fine!

I was extremely tired in the first trimester! I could never get enough sleep. I would sleep all through the night, and then sleep for Ivan‘s entire 2-3 hour nap. I don’t know if I remember being that tired the first time around. Maybe chasing around a 2 1/2 year old all day made it worse.

I threw up once this pregnancy and it was pretty epic. I had done a work out in the morning and then went to Costco and I was really hungry. A pizza sounded like a good idea (at the time). Me and Ivan shared a piece of pizza. Then three minutes into walking around Costco I knew it wasn’t going to stay there. Luckily I found a garbage in the aisle and made it in there without making a mess. Felt much better afterwards! This baby said no way am I eating that greasy Costco Pizza!

I was convinced I was having another boy because my pregnancy felt pretty similar for the most part to Ivan‘s. But i was pleasantly surprised when we got to find out it was a girl! We were so surprised, but so grateful.

Second trimester was really great, I had a lot of energy and could eat pretty much anything I wanted!

I definitely wanted more fruity things than chocolatey. First trimester jolly ranchers and lemon drops tasted really good and I can’t remember the last time I had those! I didn’t want chocolate at all, which is definitely not like me.

I started showing that baby bump and feeling pubic pain a lot earlier this time around.

Third trimester slowed me down more than I remember it last time. I started feeling the toll of running around with a toddler. But pregnancy went by a lot faster this time! I guess toddlers make great distractions :)

I had Braxton Hicks for at least 10 days before birth pretty consistently, which was new to me. I never had that with Ivan. I maybe had 1 or 2, but nothing consistently.

Labor:

Tuesday November 30, 2021

I had been experiencing Braxton Hicks for about 2 weeks pretty consistently, so I felt like things were possibly moving along quicker than my first.

That morning we met up for a walk with friends. It was great but ended in some big hard emotions. I was DRAINED emotionally and physically. We went home for lunch and a nice long nap.

I woke Ivan up so we could go pick up Nana from the Airport. Perfect timing for Nana to come.

We went to dinner at Mendocino farms and I got the Drakes Salad that I’ve been craving all pregnancy. Then we did some shopping at Vuori (much needed postpartum lounge wear) while my mom played with Ivan around the shopping center. (He scored a whole handels ice cream cone, living his best life)

After shopping they dropped me off at my girls night at Salt N’ Straw. It was such a fun night with friends. The best group of friends, with conversations that ended in laughing and crying. I think it was just what I needed to start things off.

9-11 pm- I started feeling mild cramping during our girls night that I noticed were pretty consistent.

11:30 pm- finally got to bed and tried falling asleep with no luck. I was just laying with my eyes closed and trying to visualize the birth. An hour went by and I got hungry, so I got up to eat the rest of my perfect bar. Went back to bed and then Ivan came in. He had to go potty so I got up with him and put him back down. Then he got out again and I just had the strongest feeling to soak this in cause it may be the last night with just Ivan. So we rocked in the chair for a while and he just fell asleep in my arms. It was the sweetest. Last night as my only baby. I’m so glad I listened to that prompting to stay up with him.

Wednesday, December 1– due date!

2 -3 am- I kept trying to fall asleep but the cramps continued. Then one made me sit right up out of bed and required some breathing to get through. I started timing contractions, and I had about 4 that were 5 minutes apart. I rocked on the ball through them. Then Rich said he couldn’t sleep either and I said “Good! Because I think I’m in labor!” I turned on my Bridget Taylor Birth affirmation video and was diffusing the “calm” oil. The lights were low, and it was just so nice to be in this space like I had hoped for.

I Continued timing for an hour and they were every 4 minutes. Between contractions we had some good deep chats while we finished packing our bags and folded some laundry. I tried to get some last minute fuel in my system but the banana toast was starting to make me feel nauseous so I only got a couple of bites. Glad I had the bar when I did! The birth ball started getting uncomfortable and I needed to stand or bend over on the bed during contractions.

3:54am- I called Nicole and told her what was going on. She headed right over.

While she was on her way over I got into the bath. I put some lavender essential oil in there and it felt really good. I was on hands and knees with a towel and a little stool. Rich was pouring warm water on my back which felt really nice.

I felt really calm just welcoming each contraction and just so excited that this process was starting right as it needed to! Everything had lined up with my mom getting in, Ivan being asleep, and there was no stress, just peace.

4:33 am- Nicole arrived as I was getting out of the bath. Standing felt the best at this point with counter pressure to hips by Rich, and forward leaning over the bed.

4:45-ish Nicole gave me my first cervical exam -5-6cm/100% effaced/0 station. My water bag was at my cervix.

We had a little chat at this point and decided to leave for hospital. Things seemed to be moving quickly and I did not want to be driving in the car going through transition! So I put on my birthing moo moo and socks, gathered our bags, got a towel ready for the car, and Rich was prepping the back seat for the ride.

5:12 My mom was sleeping out in our living room and I got to say goodbyes. I was so grateful she was there so I was not worried at all about Ivan and I could just focus.

5:14- 5:30 The drive to the hospital was in some crazy dense fog. I was able to stay very focused with my eyes closed and my headphones on with my affirmations going. I was in the back seat up on my knees facing backwards with my forehead on the back seat. The 15 minute drive felt like 5 minutes to me.

Contractions were definitely increasing in intensity! We parked in the round about in front of hospital for a quick entrance. After we got our little covid tags and checked in the front, we were put into room 112. I was annoyed when they handed me the covid mask, but glad they never made me wear it during the whole process. I changed into the hospital gown. They asked me to Pee in a cup. I don’t think this nurse had any idea how far along I was because there was no way I was sitting down to pee right then. Then all of the check-in questions they have you go through seemed like the longest part of my labor!

In the mean time, poor Nicole moves the car, gets into it with the door guardians who try to say visiting hours are only from noon-6pm and that it’s only one visitor at a time so she can’t come in.

By 5:45 they apologized profusely that they were wrong and let her in (of course I found all of that part out after the fact LOL)

About 5:50- I finally got the nurse to give me my first exam at the hospital. She said I was 4.5cm/50%effaced/-1 station.

At that point I wanted the epidural because it was already feeling so exhausting and intense that I wasn’t sure I could make it through transition. I was starting to lose focus a bit.

(Nurse called Dr Cap. He wanted to wait to admit to make sure there was cervical change since we wanted a TOLAC (trial of labor after cesarean) to avoid admitting too early and to avoid possible need for augmentation with pitocin or breaking the water if labor stalled. He wanted to evaluate me himself, and he was planning to come in within the hour (or at 7am which is the start of the shift).

6:00 ish They let me take fetal monitor off, which was good timing because I really wanted to start trying different positions in the bed or standing, it was getting more & more intense now. I decided to move to the shower since the epidural was not available before being admitted. The shower felt really good. Rich sprayed it along my back while I breathed and tried to stay focused. Swaying back and forth helped as well.

6:20 - 6:35 am- I was still in the shower with hot water on my back, unable to sit for very long. I was starting to make transitional vocalizations, harder to maintain focus, and getting very uncomfortable. Positive words were helping a lot. I remember every time Rich or Nicole said “you’re doing so good!” that made such a difference!

6:35 ish- Had the first feeling of trickle while drying off, possibly amniotic fluid

6:40- Then it came. I felt the strongest urge to poop! I was like oh no is this pushing time already?! I went to go sit on the toilet. Nicole helped with knee pressure. There was a sudden increase in pressure and uncontrollable pushing urge. I felt like I needed to throw up from both ends, it was the craziest feeling. Rich got the puke bag and thought for sure I was going to puke all over him haha. The Mucus plug/bloody show came out. As I got up off the toilet I felt like something was bulging out of me so I reached down to feel it (had to check to make sure it wasn’t a head!) Nicole told me it was my bag of water! That was a shock it hadn’t broken yet.

6:50- The nurse was called back into the room, and Nicole requested for exam before shift change at 7 because my progress was very fast at this point. I had an urge to push coming every contraction and felt that I couldn’t wait for Dr Cap! The nurse left the room.

6:55 As I made my way back to the bed I just remember the strongest urge to primal yell with all my might during the contractions. They would peak right at the first and then taper off a bit as they ended.

7:00 Sarah came back to the room after hearing the intensity of the contractions from down the hall. She knew I was ready for the exam now. The hardest part was going from my hands and knees to down on my back with legs in butterfly position for the exam!! That was terrible.

7:05 The vaginal exam read 6cm/80%/-1 station. This surprised me because I had such a strong urge to push! They called Dr Cap for orders to admit. They finally got all the paperwork and consents signed, IV set up, and delivery table set up by another person.

Around 7:15 fetal monitors were reapplied and they were unable to find the heart rate easily, and it sounded very low. They were searching for a while, but I was completely in my zone.

I was having a really hard time finding a good position for contractions with everything that was going on. On my back Rich and Nicole did counter pressure to my knees which felt better. Then side lying they applied pressure to my top knee and foot.

I had to keep being reminded at this time to inhale big and breath out slowly. I kept having the urge to just hyperventilate and scream, but Nicole was really good at calming me down.

At one point I just said to them “tell me positive things!”

7:18 The nurse attempted the IV in left hand, but the vein blew and had to be removed. The nurse called in more help. My bag of water was bulging through now. And that didn’t feel great.

7:19 I was turned to the left side so they could check heart rate, and it was still low

(All of this was all a blur to me by the way, if it weren’t for Nicole taking notes I would have no idea this was all going on!)

7:20 FSE was applied to Ava by another nurse (internal monitor on her head) to confirm heart rate is still in the 60’s-70’s. Another vaginal check read 10cm/100%effaced/-1 station. The on call doctor comes and gowns up, and announces the plan to move to OR for an emergency C-section due to the diving heart rate for a few minutes. The NICU team came in to set up the baby warmer anticipating possible resuscitation.

I was pretty out of it as far as knowing how many people were coming in and out of the room. Nicole was really good at calming me down and telling me I was doing great. I remember just wanting to squeeze Rich’s hand. I couldn’t see him but I could tell I was holding his hand.

*A note on the bulging water bag. Apparently A bulging bag can make it tricky and you might have two back to back exams that don’t match because maybe it was pushing through on one exam like right at the end of a contraction where it was relaxed during the next exam not stretching the cervix open more.

It was bulging the whole time but probably only when there was pressure on it initially like during contractions. However, Nicole told me after that it only came out of the vagina at the end when I was in the bed. It was bulging through the cervix when the cervix was all the way dilated. It had room to live through the vagina until it starting coming through. Just imagine a big water balloon with a baby inside it! If you squeeze it it’s going to move to fill the empty space.

7:21 I tried pushing. The IV was now in place in right arm. They were getting it secured while I was pushing. The heart rate remained low but made an attempt to return to normal in between contractions now.

7:23 Dr Cap came into the room. He Gowned up, reviewed heart rate tracing, feels for baby’s descent and makes decision to apply vacuum, which would be the fastest way out at this point. Rich told me after that it was really cool to witness his confidence in the situation. Coming in and assessing the room and knowing exactly what to do.

By 7:25 amniotic sac has been cleared away and the vacuum was applied and brought to pressure, and had traction with the next push. I remember Dr. Caps voice telling me “Ok Britt, we’re going to do this together, I need you to push with everything you got. We gotta get this baby out now.” And Nicole was in my ear saying “this is your chance. This is your chance for a VBAC. You can do this”.

Ava was brought down under pubic bone to vaginal opening, with one smooth meneuver with the vacuum.

7:27 Nicole was telling me to push out of my bum, don’t let the breath out of my mouth but push it down and out my bum. I pushed as hard as I could and heard them say there’s the head out!” I felt the intense burning ring of fire sensation. It was so wild. I was so relieved. Then they all told me one more push, get her out, everything you got. So I pushed with everything and felt such a relief after. There was no vacuum assistance with the last two pushes.

7:30 She’s here! Gentle entry, and onto mommy’s tummy to be dried. After 15-30 seconds with no muscle tone or respiratory effort, the cord was clamped and cut and Ava is moved to the warmer for assistance breathing.

The after math

When I felt her on me I was terrified. She looked so purple and lifeless. I put my hand on her back and just felt a limp squishy body. The worst scenarios ran through my head and I was so scared. I started crying and saying please breathe, please breathe. I was so amazed with what I just accomplished, but at the same time so worried about my baby. It was a very confusing state to be in. I wanted to enjoy the birth I just went through but couldn’t feel that relief yet. The 6 minutes of no sound was so hard!!

Over the next 6 minutes she was dried and stimulated and given artificial breaths using positive pressure ventilation (ppv) and a monitor was applied that senses the heart rate and oxygen saturation. The first heart rate that was called out shortly afterward was 158, a normal rate. Ava was pink and had good color now that oxygen was entering her lungs. Deep suctioning of fluid and  mucous secretions from her airways.  They were using blended oxygen and quickly O2 sats were normal and oxygen blended down all the way to room air. Ava was taking some spontaneous breaths and some breaths with ppv. Use of CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) in between breaths to keep lungs open and decrease the work of breathing. Some retracting (where the accessory muscles of breathing around your ribs, belly, and collar bones suck in showing a lot of effort or work to breathe) noticed, but that can be common with any newborn transitioning to breathing on their own for the first time. It was transient and didn’t last long. Some small weak cries hard for the first time. At 7:41 Rich was invited over to the warmer to see her.

While Ava was at the warmer Dr Cap stitched me up. I had a minor perineum tear, and a 1.5 degree tear on the right side of the vaginal wall. Not bad for having to use a vacuum. After the stitches are in place the placenta gushes and shows it’s releasing and with a little gentle traction on the cord from Dr Cap it delivers completely with no problem. The uterus does it’s thing and gets nice and hard and tight to stop the bleeding and everything looks really good and normal. Light bleeding.  I then got cleaned up, given an ice pad in bed.

I thought it was really cool to see the placenta because I never got to see it with Ivan! Nicole showed it to me so I could get a good look at it.

7:43 Finally Ava is pink and breathing spontaneously on room air and is brought over to my chest for some skin to skin for a short time. I was so grateful to see her pink and opening her eyes up at me. Her little lip was quivering and it seemed like she wanted to cry but was just whimpering. I just kept saying “come on baby, come on”.

We were still awaiting results of cord gas that was ordered by Dr. Cap right at delivery. This test can show the carbon dioxide level, oxygen level, acid level (pH), and base excess (when there’s acid in the body the kidneys release sodium bicarbonate which is a base with a higher pH to attempt to buffer and neutralize the acid (too much CO2) which can be damaging to tissues (why we exhale it as a waste product)). They knew at this time that she would need observation in the NICU no matter what the cord gas says because her 1 and 5 minute APGAR scores were low and because she needed help with breathing.

During skin to skin we got some good cuddles and pictures together as a family and I felt peace but still a lot of uncertainty. I was so sad I couldn’t just hold her forever and breastfeed her. I just wanted to enjoy that magic hour after birth in peace, but I’m glad they got her to the NICU as quickly as they did for the most positive outcome possible.

We got the results back and her pH levels were just under acceptable. There was no obvious cause for the heart rate that was identified (like an occluded umbilical cord caused by wrapping or knotting or being compressed by the head or stretched too tight from being short or being too thin). The placenta was also examined to look for abruption where it pulls away from the uterine lining prematurely and none was noted.

Dr Cap also inspected the c-section scar to check for uterine rupture both with his fingers inside and with an ultrasound and no evidence of rupture was found. His best guess was that the decrease in heart rate was due to rapid progress of labor and more specifically rapid gain in station (rapid descent, she came down hard and fast into the bony pelvis and her neck was likely kinked sideways judging by the mark from where the vacuum was applied).

I was so relieved that there was nothing wrong with my C-Section scar. That was a huge relief. I had a successful, unmedicated VBAC! They checked all my vitals and bleeding and monitored pain, everything was normal. It was so crazy to feel my squishy belly afterwards. It was amazing not being knocked out with drugs right after and to really just feel everything. Such a difference from throwing up and passing out after Ivans birth. I was fully there and present. I was surprised with how normal my body felt after the crazy experience it just went through. My tailbone felt very sore, and it was hard to sit up in the bed. I was much better to lay down flat with pillows under my legs.

Our bodies are just absolutely incredible!!

The week following her birth was spend going back and forth between home and the NICU. Ava handled everything amazing. All the nurses gave us really positive feedback on her, which was very reassuring.

She was on a cooling bed for 72 hours. They warmed her back up for 8 hours. Then we finally got to hold her and feed her my milk for the first time on that fourth day. On day 5 they did an MRI to make sure there was no damage to the brain. Everything came back perfectly normal. There were so many happy tears that week. They kept her in there for a full week just to make sure feeding and everything off of the monitors was going smoothly. We were able to bring her home on day 7. There were so many blessings along the way. The nurses were all so amazing, seriously earthly angels.

We’re so grateful our little Ava girl is with us. She is so lively and full of personality. She is the happiest baby, and you can’t help but smile when she’s around.

Ava Roo we love you!

How to Exercise with a Baby

(When you have a million other things to do during nap time!)

When you become a Mom, you develop an indescribable love and respect for nap time. They say diamonds are a girls best friend. Well baby’s nap time is definitely a moms best friend. If you’re like me, you may be guilty of trying to fit a million things into that precious little chunk of time in your day and end up feeling slightly overwhelmed. One of those valuable things we try to squeeze in is exercise. I think it’s safe to make a blanket statement here that we feel so much better after we exercise! Which makes this a very important part of our day. Happy wife happy life right? :) What if we didn’t have to use up precious nap time with exercise, and instead wrapped it into babies wake time?

This first year with Ivan has allowed me to test out some different strategies for getting in a good workout routine while trying to juggle all the things that come with motherhood and adult life.

First off I want to say how grateful I am that I had to slow down prior to getting pregnant in order to recover from HA (you can read more about that here). This brought balance in to my life, and peaceful contentment during those phases of life where exercise can’t really be at the top of our list. Because of this experience, I enjoyed the postpartum rest & recover phase much more than I thought I would. I’ve been able to remain content on days where either Ivan or I have been sick, and the best medicine is to stay inside and snuggle. I know that it’s not the end of the world if my workout gets cut short, or my weekly routine doesn’t go exactly as planned. The other super human power we receive as moms is flexibility to go with the flow. It’s ESSENTIAL :)

I’ve also learned that even though I may not be as intense about working out as I used to be, with this more balanced approach comes all of the same benefits that I love and enjoy from exercise without the obsession. It’s still an important part of my life, and I feel that if we teach this early on to our babies and children, they will make movement and health an important part of their life as well. Which brings me to my first tip:

#1 Prioritize it. Don’t forget that in order for you to keep your family’s train rolling, you have to take care of yourself. When we place high priority on self-care, especially in the form of exercise, we can be at the top of our game for the loved ones in our lives. That, and because you are so worth it! You deserve to feel and perform your best in life.

#2 The early bird gets the worm. On the same not as prioritizing, I recommend getting moving in the morning. It may be just a quick yoga flow, or a walk with the stroller, but anything to get your body moving will start your day off on the right note. That way, no matter what the rest of the day brings, you can at least know you got some movement in with a quick sweat.

#3 Let your baby explore with you as you move! I’ve started to do a morning yoga flow before we get the day started, and Ivan loves crawling under my downward dog and through my legs and the tunnel of cat cow. I still close my eyes and take deep breath‘s and make it a meditative process, and I get to hear his little giggles along the way. He actually loves playing on my yoga mat. Every time I pull it out he gets excited and crawls right for it. Also using them as a weight is a great way to throw in some mom and baby bonding while you get your fitness on. Think of them as a real life kettle bell (just a little more fragile, and a little more wiggly ;) )

#4 Get on their level. Don’t underestimate the challenge of crawling! Some of my most challenging exercises are done on all fours. It gets me closer to him, and it’s like he’s working out with me! But actually just hands-on play time for him. It’s a win-win! I’ve posted a video on my instastories of some baby like movements turned momma exercises that will be fun to add into your routine.

#5 Get outside! Some of my favorite workouts since Ivan was born have been at the park. I bring a blanket and some toys for him, but he usually just ends up picking at the grass or playing with the tree trunk. Then I set up TRX traps and bands, and sometimes bring a weight. He’s completely entertained between exploring nature, watching his mom, and the occasional dabble with his toys. This becomes even more fun when we get to do it with friends! Which leads to my next tip.

#6 Plan a meet up with fellow moms and babies. I’ve been leading a group every Thursday, 11:00 at the park by my house (if you’re local we’d love for you to join us!), and it’s such a fun way to get out of the house, see friends, chat, and the babies get to interact with other babies! The time always goes by super fast and it’s a great way to entertain mom and baby. If you don’t have a trainer by you, or access to the outdoors year round, you could just call over a couple of friends and put on a workout video from YouTube (or grab one of my guides) and get moving! We just put the babies in the middle of our circle on blankets with toys and they usually do just fine. Plan on a few interruptions here and there, but you just do what you can.

#7 Invest in a stroller. Preferably one that has a good amount of storage space and can grown with your baby from carseat to booster seats. This way you can walk to the store instead of driving if you live close, or any other little errands you have. This is a great way to incorporate some extra movement in your day. If you don’t live walking distance to the grocery store, just park at the very edge of the parking lot and walk your stroller to the store from there. Going for a walk at least once a day has been so great for my mind, my body, and Ivan loves it too! We stop and touch leaves and flowers, and He adds a great extra load going up hills! I always get my heart rate up on our walks. This is a great time to enjoy some peace and quiet, fresh air, listen to an audiobook or podcast, or talk on the phone with a loved one. Another great investment is an ergo baby carrier. We love going on hikes together and doing the stairs. He loves looking out into the world while I just do my thing.

#8 Recruit some back up. If you’re blessed with a supportive partner by your side on this parenting journey, or close family or friends, let them give you a break every once and while for some “Me” time. Because let’s be honest, it’s pretty nice to have a baby free workout every once and a while. Figure out a schedule that works for the both of you and stick to it. A couple mornings each week I’ll leave Ivan with my husband and I go for a run on the beach, or to a fitness class, something that I couldn’t do with the baby and it feels so good! I’m a whole new woman when I get back. (Your husband will soon learn the important value of this :) )

#9 Show yourself some grace! If you’re constantly holding yourself to perfect expectations of working out every day, and have a vision of what that looks like from your pre-baby days, you may have to readjust. Some days I get 10 minutes in and then he’s over it! So I stop and play with him, and then one thing leads to the next and my day leaves no more time for an actual workout. This is totally fine! As a mom you need to realize you are constantly active! From carrying all the gear to the car, to carrying a baby around, laundry, dishes, the whole deal! Exercise may not look exactly how it use to, but you are active! Try to find the balance of making it a priority like I mentioned before, but also giving yourself grace. This may not be the season of life where a strict fitness regimen is totally realistic. This season of life requires being in tune with what your body needs each day (fuel and exercise needs). This will change a lot. With this feedback, and honoring our body, aim to create goals that revolve around feeling good, having energy, and being able to accomplish all the tasks required of you without injury or pain.

I hope these tips help you as you make this transition into motherhood. As we are growing and changing, our routines will need to grow and adjust with us. With each changing season of life, let’s check in with ourselves and ask what it is we need to thrive and make adjustments accordingly.

As always, let me remind you that you are worth this self care, and you are doing amazing things as a mother. Keep doing the good you’re doing :)

Keeping my Fertility: Life after Hypothalamic Amenorrhea Recovery and Child birth

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, hormonal or fertility specialist. I am just a personal trainer and fitness instructor who healed my hormones naturally and recovered from hypothalamic amenorrhea. For more detailed information and an awesome resource on HA check out No Period Now What.

Over the last few years, my body and mind have been through a lot of changes. I went from living my crazy fit life, to discovering my Hypothalamic Amenorrhea diagnosis, to changing my whole world to recover, regaining my period, finally getting pregnant, and now a few months postpartum as a mom to a beautiful baby boy. What a whirl wind! (you can read more of that journey here)

While going through this journey, most of my focus was on the end goal of having a baby. I did it! And I can honestly say it’s brought more joy and peace (in a crazy roller coaster kind of way) to my life than I have ever felt. It was worth every heart ache and tear shed along the way. But now what lies ahead is the unknown. Now what? What does life look like moving forward? There’s a lot of unknowns, but what I do know is that I want to keep my fertility that I’ve worked so hard to restore. I’ve learned the importance of keeping a regular menstrual cycle and the impact that it can have on your over all health. I don't want to return to my HA lifestyle, but I’m ready to move forward from recovery, pregnancy, and postpartum mode. What does life look like with fertility and fitness for me?

I’ve reflected back on the things I believe impacted my fertility the most; Mistakes I made, mindset shifts that had to happen, and things I just had no idea were effecting me in this way. I’ve compiled these into my game plan for keeping my fertility and living my healthiest, most balanced life. Hopefully these tips can be helpful for those of you going through your own recovery process.

1. Learn to say NO and set boundaries. Stress is a huge contributor to HA. Your body shifts into a constant state of cortisol production, taking away from your bodies sex hormone production. Over the years I’ve discovered I’m a chronic “yesser” and a goal setter. Any others out there? Not saying that setting goals and saying yes to things is always a bad thing. However, I would often feel this overwhelming pressure to please everyone around me, making sure I never let them down. Somehow I made the connection in my head that saying no to an offer or task would make me a failure in someones eyes. It was the same with not having a constant goal I was working towards. I associated this with laziness and failure as well. These are common traits among women diagnosed with HA. Go getters with a lot on our plate.

   NOW: Learning to simplify my To-Do list and be ok with not having big goals at times has been huge with my recovery. This New Years was the first New Years I can remember that I didn’t write down a few pages of goals in several categories of my life. It was liberating! This hasn’t made me a failure or lazy. It’s helped me relax and even love myself more.

2. Carbs are my friend. Looking back on what I was eating when I wasn’t having a period, I realized there was very little carbohydrates involved. Not a good combo with the amount of activity I was doing. Looking into research about HA and healthy hormones in women, I found that carbohydrates are crucial for women and our hormones! I was working out and staying active multiple hours of the day and trying to follow a low carb diet that consisted of maybe a piece of toast in the morning and 1 piece of fruit a day, then mostly veggies and protein for lunch and dinner. I was doing all the “healthy swaps” such as cauliflower rice instead of actual rice, lettuce wraps instead of any sort of bread or bun, zucchini instead of actual pasta, etc. Not saying that these are bad swaps, however if you have a sensitive hormone system and are experiencing a missing period, you’re body NEEDS healthy carbohydrates. And I would argue that women in general need carbohydrates to function their best. Yes, fruit and vegetables are carbohydrates, but my body was not getting enough.

   NOW: I make sure I have a serving of carbohydrates at every meal and snack. My favorites are Oatmeal or steel cut oats for breakfast, toast topped with avocado and eggs, peanut butter and banana toast, Loaded sweet potatoes, Rice or quinoa bowls with a veggie and protein, fresh sour dough bread with goat cheese, and I love all fruits throughout the day for a little pick me up snack or treat.

3. Never workout fasted. If you’re following any sort of body builder’s guide to getting lean, then you’ve heard about fasted cardio. I’ve always been a first-thing-in-the-morning kind of exerciser, and I’ve always wanted to “get lean”, so this seemed like the right plan for me. For the most part I felt good working out on an empty stomach in the mornings, however my hormones did not. You see, with HA you want to avoid being in a caloric deficit for too long because that sends your body into starvation, stress, survival mode (more cortisol, less healthy hormone balance). Our bodies only have a finite amount of energy, and when we are in an energy deficit, our reproductive system is the first thing to shut down. When we sleep, we are in a fasted state, so upon waking we are typically in a neutral or negative calorie zone. When we workout first thing in the morning on an empty tank, we go deeper into that caloric deficit. Our body has to work all day just to get back to a caloric surplus where are reproductive system can work. The cycle continues and you can see how this can mess with our hormones over time.

   I would also add to this that any sort of intermittent fasting in general for women of child baring years is a bad idea. I don’t care if it’s the latest weight loss fad. If you want to have healthy hormones and fertility, fuel your body regularly!

   NOW: I’ve changed up my routine so that I can have a nice and big nutritious breakfast within the first hour I wake up (usually toast with 1/2 avocado and 2 eggs or a hardy bowl of steel cut oats with nuts, seeds, and fruit). Then after I’ve given myself 30-60 minutes to digest my food I get my workout in. Somedays it doesn’t happen until after lunch and I’m fine with it. I actually LOVE not feeling like I’m starving during my workouts. I feel more powerful and energized! It feels good to know I’m fueling my body with what it needs.

4. Learn to turn down the intensity. I was the type that hated yoga, barre, pilates, and walking because I felt it wasn’t intense enough for a workout. I wanted to sweat hard and breath hard. I always gave myself one rest day a week, but the other 6 days I was working my butt off. A missed workout felt like a wasted day to me. During HA recovery it’s advised you take out all intense workouts and stick to slower paced walking and yoga. This was SO HARD at first, but it taught me so many valuable lessons. First, I realized I didn’t lose strength and progress as quickly as I thought I would with not working out. Second, I learned to appreciate movement. Any kind of movement just made me feel so good no matter how intense it was. Third, my body needs rest. Simple as that. My body was craving the rest I wasn't giving it. This contributed big time to the hormonal imbalance.

   NOW: Instead of doing HIIT and Metcon (metabolic conditioning) type workouts 6 days a week, I’ve scaled back to 1 HIIT workout, 2 strength workouts that are much slower paced, 1 steady state cardio (under and hour), and 1 Metcon type workout each week (but each week varies a bit). This leaves me 2 rest days a week. None of my workouts are longer than an hour, most are 20-30 minutes. I add a slow paced walk every day that is more therapeutic than anything, and it’s very leisurely, usually pushing the stroller. I try to do a little wake up yoga stretch each morning as well. This schedule shifts around a bit week to week, but so far I’m loving it! I still like to push myself hard, but the variety has been so good for me.

5. Listening to my body: “Be stronger than your excuses”, ”rain or shine - rise and grind”, “no off days”, just a few of the Pinterest quotes you may see floating around to motivate your fitness game. This is the type of mentality I had. No matter how tired I was, or if I was feeling a bit under the weather, on vacation, Christmas morning, wherever I was and however I was feeling I never missed a workout. Dedication for sure, but also sort of missing the point. I wasn’t listening to my body. I wasn’t taking into consideration that my body maybe, just maybe, needed a break or some flexibility in my routine.

   NOW: I have my tentative workout schedule as I mentioned above, however, I wake up each morning and decide which modality of movement my body is feeling for that day. Some days I feel amazingly energized after a good amount of sleep and the right fuel and I’m up for going all out beast mode strength training. Some days I wake up and feel a little achey and I know thats the perfect day for some rejuvenating yoga or slower paced pilates. Somedays I just want to go on a beach walk with some friends. As I mentioned in my instagram, it doesn’t have to be All or Nothing, but Always SOMETHING.

6. Avoid hormonal birth control (and be my own advocate): Birth control is a very personal subject, and there is absolutely no judgement here on what anyone chooses to do in this department. I’m simply sharing my experience to shed some light on how birth control relates to hypothalamic amenorrhea. The pill was suggested by my OB, and I didn’t know enough to say anything against it, so I followed her advice. Little did I know this was masking the fact that my body wasn’t naturally cycling! Yes, you have a withdrawal bleed while on the pill, but this has nothing to do with our body’s hormones and natural ability to do so on its own. No body told me this! There is so much misinformation and guidance out there, especially to young girls that are put on the pill for pretty much everything!

   NOW: If I want to stay in control of my fertility moving forward I need to monitor my hormones and how they’re naturally operating. At one of my last OB appointments before the baby came they were already asking me about birth control. It felt good to stand up for myself this time and let her know that I was taking care of it and wanted to avoid synthetic hormones. I am learning fertility awareness strategies such as cervical mucus and temperature tracking.

7. Disconnect my worth from my body: Throughout this process, I’ve reflected a lot on myself and my mindset trying to figure out what my motivation was for living the way I was. How did I get to the state I was in? I narrowed it down to two main driving forces. First, I truly do love exercising. I love feeling strong and fit in my body. I love sweating and working hard. It’s never been a chore for me, I genuinely love it and still do! Second, and harder to admit, but I thought my worth as a woman, wife, trainer, my whole identity, was wrapped up in this image I felt I had to keep up with. I was known and applauded for being the fit girl, and I didn’t really know myself outside of that roll. This process has taught me a lot (can read more here), but this is probably the most valuable lesson of all. I have value outside of what my body looks like, my body fat percentage, and my fitness level! I discovered all my loved ones still loved me, and even more than they did before. I could still be a great coach, and an even better Mom. This was a huge self discovery!

   NOW: I’m less critical of myself and less critical of others. This has sweetened my relationships. I remind myself each day of great qualities I have that are completely separate from anything physical. I express gratitude and positive affirmations each morning to help my mindset stay in that space. This takes constant work and some days I still struggle, but the progress I’ve made has changed my life.

If you are approaching HA recovery, whether you want to get pregnant or just get your period back, know that there is life after HA. Not just an ordinary life, but a great life! I remember feeling so depressed about changing my lifestyle, thinking I would never be the same again and everything I loved to do had to be removed from my life. While there was a time of change and removing exercise, I now get to enjoy all the things I love to do again, but with a much more balanced approach. I fuel my body better, I take care of my muscles and weaknesses better, I move solely for the sake of feeling good and health, I have more quality time with the people in my life, and I absolutely LOVE being a mom.

This is still a big learning process for me. I’m still breast feeding so I’m not sure when my cycle will return. To be honest I’m still nervous about it coming back at all, but I feel much more empowered now that I know what to do. My body needs rest and relaxation. My body needs fuel, and a lot of it. It’s possible to be fit and fertile. Here’s to the next chapter of life!