It’s been a minute since I talked HA recovery, so I wanted to give you guys a current update. Lets talk about what HA recovery life looks like now! This journey is a little crazy, because there is no one size fits all approach or prescription. But then again, I’m finding that out with most things in life. Why is that? Maybe because we are all TRULY UNIQUE, and we are deeply complex creatures.
While I was in the depths of HA recovery (keeping my heart rate down, no exercise and eating 2500+ calories) my biggest question was “is this going to be forever?” I wanted to know what my new normal was, and what my body really needed from me. The thing is, only time would be able to give me those answers. Only time and a lot of trial and error. A lot of practicing, figuring it out, and getting reacquainted with my body. My relationship with my body had always been “do what I want you to do, don’t ask questions, I don’t care if your sick, or tired, or infertile. Don't be lazy. Don’t be weak. Just keep moving & burning calories”. My poor body! We’re on much better terms now :)
I wanted to break this blog post down into three main topics. 1. What has changed since my HA days. 2. What has stayed the same. 3. and what I’m still trying to figure out.
What has changed since my HA days?
A lot. I find something almost daily with myself that makes me think “wow, I’ve come a long ways!”.
I don’t workout first thing in the morning anymore. I always have a full breakfast before I workout. I can feel my body saying “thank you!!” on this one. It’s made a huge difference. Instead, I pray, read, stretch, and meditate which makes up my miracle morning routine that I absolutely LOVE. I meditate. What?! Coming from a girl who used to be incapable of sitting still for 5 minutes, this is a pretty big deal.
I don’t have a workout schedule I stick to, but instead I take each day at a time and try to tap into what my body is craving. Somedays it’s yoga & a nap. Other days it’s a run, or a hike, or weights, or pilates. This gives me the chance to be much more respectful of my bodies energy levels, and whats going on hormonally. I can actually tell when I’m crossing over that “overtraining” threshold and I’m learning when to pull back on the reins.
My workouts are shorter. I used to spend at least 45 minutes working out each day, if not 2 or 3 of those sessions a day. Now I keep my workouts 30 minutes or less. occasionally I’ll do a 45 minute one, but thats very rare. I’ll go on longer hikes or bike rides, but for the high intensity stuff I keep it short and spicy.
I don’t workout to burn off a meal, or a weekend splurge. I’m more concerned now about eating enough to be able to workout safely. If I feel hungry, or my stomach feels more empty than full, I don’t workout. I used to workout even harder when I had that hunger feeling because I wanted to burn all of my fat away. Now I know my body NEEDS FAT! And that fat grows babies :)
Not only do I try and manage my exercise stress better, but my accumulative life stress. I used to thrive off of the GO GO GO schedule and juggling all the things. In fact, I prided myself on it. That hustle mentality. The busier the better. Oh boy, this has changed! I’ve learned to say no when my plate feels too full. I take more breaks from work, social media, and social outings if I’m feeling overwhelmed at all. I know when I need a little extra self care. I guess 2020 wasn’t a bad year to practice this ;)
I can lay in bed and chill. This used to be very hard for me! I can go to bed without thinking about what I ate that day, what I’ll eat tomorrow, and what workout I’m doing in the morning. I can snuggle with my husband in the morning and not stress about jumping out of bed and working out.
I read! I used to hate reading because I didn’t like to just sit. It felt like a waste of time. Now I cuddle up with a book on the couch and it feels like such a treat.
My weight, as a more obvious one. But whats really interesting about my weight is my body naturally went back to the same weight I was last time I had somewhat of a normal period (which was about 10-11 years ago!). My body new what it needed. I didn’t work on losing weight postpartum, or getting to a certain number. It just sort of found that sweet spot again on its own. I found that fascinating!
I feel more connected with people. I used to cancel plans if they interrupted my workout schedule, or if they would slow me down. I would only work out with friends if I had already done my own workout. Now I love going on long slow walks with friends and our babies, or leading a group workout in the park that’s more about socializing than exercising some days :) These relationships are what life’s all about.
What hasn’t changed since my HA days?
Some things never change. I still LOVE to exercise. I still love to push my body and get a good sweat on. Sometimes I still over due it, but I’m working on the right balance.
I still love eating healthy. I feel the best when I’m eating real food thats packed with yummy nutrients. I still fight the urge to “burn off” certain meals, but I try to brush those thoughts aside and know that those calories will find a welcoming place where they are loved and needed in my body.
I still have bad body image days. I still want to change my body sometimes. But the difference is I catch it early on and have tools to combat those negative thoughts that I didn’t before.
Rest days still feel a little foreign to me, but I’m working on this! I take more rest days. Instead of one (kind of) rest day, I now try and get at least 2 solid rest days in a week.
I’m still learning about this stuff ALL THE TIME.
What I’m still figuring out?
I have a cycle!! This is so exciting and I’m so grateful, but I’m still figuring it out. My Period didn’t come back until 17.5 months postpartum! I knew it wouldn’t come back on its own while I was breastfeeding, so I weaned Ivan at 15.5 months, which felt right to both of us. I then waited a long two months, nervous it wouldn’t come back, and bam! It came back with a vengeance. I was nervous I would need to go through a whole long process again, but I was SO proud of my body! It knew what to do on its own (and with the more gentle lifestyle I was living).
My cycle is still unpredictable. 40 days, 38 days, 35 days, 40 days, 34 days…. But I’m learning some common triggers. The month it shot back to 40, I was running more, and filming videos for my new program. Looking back, I could totally feel my body sending my warning signals that I ignored and tried to push through.
Eating enough of the right thing. Sometimes I get caught in between this mind confusion of feeling guilty for eating high sugar, “bad” or not so nutrient dense foods, but then trying not to feel bad about what I eat and except all foods. It can be a tricky balance some days. I’m still working on the art of intuitive eating mastery. (PS if you haven’t read the book Intuitive Eating, I HIGHLY recommend it).
I’m learning how to track my cycle using the fertility awareness methods. It feels so good to feel aware of my body and to have a 5th vital sign to check in with for over all health.
I’m learning to trust my body. I find myself overly paranoid at times that I’m doing the wrong thing. Did I workout too long or hard? Am I resting too much? Did I eat enough? Did I eat too much? Am I sleeping enough? What if I can’t sleep? Am I eating the right foods for my hormones? Do I have too many toxins in my environment? All these little worries can add up to more stress that I definitely don’t need! The goal is to be as in tune with my body as I can, so I can honor what it needs, and build that trust that can’t be broken again.
Thanks for following along my journey and being a supportive community. Hopefully my thoughts can help any of you going through a similar journey. I hope to be a source of encouragement, support, empathy, and friendship here on my little corner of the internet.